Let's start with lunch. Had to go to Ihop and ordered something safe off the Simple and Fit menu: a veggie egg white omelette. Of course the plates got switched and I ended up with my stepmom's meal which had higher fat value so of course (even though I took a few bites before noticing) ED was there to berate me.
ED: You know you can't eat any more right?
Me: Why?
ED: Because you just ate more fat than you thought you were going to. Plus look how oily
that looks. If you eat that you know it's going straight to your thighs, you will balloon, and
you will look disgusting. Well, more disgusting.
Me: But I only had a few bites. And I need the calories. I mean I don't really
like the taste but I need the cals.
ED: A few bites is all it takes. The cook in the back probably knows how thin
you are and wants to make you fat so he probably added more oil than
you should have. I mean you probably got more calories anyway. And don't
be a pig. If you don't like it don't eat it. No use getting fat over food you hate
anyway.
Me: Guess your right. How bout a few pieces o f fruit?
ED: Why the hell do you like food so much? Are you still hungry?
No your not so stop freaking eating. I'm telling you they are lying
about the calories anyway. You can't trust restaraunts. You can't
trust anyone to prepare your meals except you. Stop eating just in
case the cals are too much.
Me: (staring at plate). I guess your right it does seem oily and I'm not hungry.
This was a not so good conversation with ED and I ended up not finishing. Later though I went down to do a walking video after already having done yoga in the AM. A comment from my stepmom had me really thinking about my motives for doing the walk. To ensure it wasn't to burn calories I cut it from 25 minutes to 15 minutes.....this was not taken well by ED.
ED: Excuse me! You fatty. You ate out today. What the hell are you
thinking. You must do more. I mean you can get away with it. Everyone
expects you to do a longer video so just do it.
Me: But I already did yoga. I lost weight this week at nutritonist anyway.
So obviously I don't need the walks to keep from ballooning. They
could be causing me to lose weight. I mean it's just 10 minutes shorter.
ED: You know how many calories those 10 minutes could burn?
I got it. We should do a cardio kickbox 10 minute video to make up.
Me: Wait what? We just went from walking to kickboxing.
I mean I shouldn't be thinking in terms of calories burned anyhow.
These walks are supposed to be relaxing not to burn calories.
ED: Seriously. Who tells you this bull? You walk
so you can eat. Otherwise you are a lazy fatty with no use.
Me: I already listened to you once today. I don't want to listen
anymore. I want to freaking recover and this is a step in that direction.
Plus I don't have time. I need to go eat my snacks. And once I get approved
to do higher intense exercise than yoga I won't do that and then walk.
So what makes this different?
ED: Well yoga is lazy and you burn no calories. So you need the walk
which is actual cardio in order to actually be burning and building muscle.
Me: Look I don't have time for this. I did yoga and I did the walk.
I am active and my body deserves a break. Plus people will be proud if
I choose to walk a shorter amount. So F off ED.
ED: Don't you dare go away from me. Guess you want to be
fat and miserable. Stupid....that's what you are.
Me: No, stupid was ever listening to you. Plus , you already
make me feel fat and miserable, so feeling the same but getting
to eat and enjoy life is an improvement.
That was 20 minutes ago. Now I'm sitting struggling to eat dinner but I refuse to let ED win. This is my life I am fighting for and I want my life to involve exercise and walking because I want to, not because some voice says I should.
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