Episode 14: ED is Poppin'

So thought I would post convo with ED since it is happening right now in my head. Update first: I am up to 2,500 calories starting yesterday and it freaks me out. I am going back to school. My school nutritionist is going to see me a week early. And I am still freaking out about ballooning. So tonight had a lovely event occur where I pre-weighed my corn on the cob to put into cal counter and it came out to be 300 calories. I knew this couldn't be right and finally realized it was measuring just the corn, not the cob. When I weighed the corn kernels only (cut them off cob) calories were closer to 100 something. So I logged it correctly and ate some to make up for and here is when ED freaked....

ED: What the hell are you doing? Why are
you forcing yourself to eat more than 2,500 calories?

Me: More? What do you mean. I just 

measured the corn kernels and logged it. 

ED: That one is wrong. The right one was how

you logged the ear of corn. It's definitely 300 calories.

Me: There is no way a half of a long ear of

corn is 300 calories. Somewhere you have 

to know that. It's a veggie for goodness

sake, it can't be that much. 

ED: That's what you think but what if you are wrong.

Then you are over by close to 200 calories. You really want

to do that? You didn't even work out today when you

had the chance (my mom asked me if I wanted to go to 

gym but let me stay home). 

Me: Ya going over would freak me out but

I didn't go over. I measured the kernels and logged

them and that's what I got. It's better to be over than

under anyway as hard as that is for me to believe.

ED: Why not just be safe though? You are already

eating way too many calories and see how full you are

(I was stuffed about now), that's definitely 300 cals

worth of corn. 

Me: I ate more than just corn and I ate fast which

is why I feel stuffed. It's fine. I am going to log it this way

and if my weight jumps up crazy overnight because of this

it will just be down after a normal day of eating.Yes,  I am 

anxious, but maybe this just means I should stop measuring. 

ED: No, you have to measure and make sure you

get right portions. 

Me: Then leave me alone about the damn corn!

So I am still really anxious, but I know in my heart I am doing what's right. My stomach doesn't think so and still plenty of eating to do tonight (mom decided to drag me around town without food so forced to eat a bunch late at night. Can't wait for school when I can control my schedule and eating). But I know this feeling, both fear and full, will pass and I will wake up fine tomorrow. So here I go....wish me luck.